&&list

[[hates]]
hair. some dumb growing out stage. looks retarded. can't do anything with it.
eyes. too big. always look tired. ugly colour.
mouth. ew braces. too big. stupid dumb smile. freckle that everyone thinks is food
legs. fat. ew. ew. ew. can anyone say cankles?
feet. bony. toenails.
hands. fingernails. short and stubby.
skin. scars. what more do i need to say.
cameras. cause i always look like shit. reflection on life?
clothes. don't know what to do.


but you know what? its all just a fact that i have to live with.
its like....its like that clothes thing.
people who are a little bit fat dress to make themselves look thinner.
people who are a lot fat don't bother to hide it because they know they can't, they just have to make the best of what they have.

this is my transition from trying and failing to be the first, and accepting that i am the second.
in my whole life.





i'm going to see my pictures next friday and i know they will look bad.

fiftieth post

' “Yeah, okay, I remember,” Mariel said, wringing all of her hands. “But it was supposed to be mutual… you’re not supposed to make any more cracks about my weight, and you haven’t exactly…”

“Oh, hon, that’s different,” Flit said. “I talk about your size because I love you, just the way you are…" '

That's a quote from a story I just read. Short Story.

It kind of struck a chord with me. Like, a big, fat, augmented seventh.

I'm not sure why.


EDIT::
I finished the story.

' “Because the women there are all as fat as you,” he said. “You’ll fit right in. Ground, you may even be the skinniest one there.” '