like a circle

josh's mention of blogs reminded me to write mine.

and i actually do have something to say.
about friends.

okay, think of friendships like a target for a second.
that's how i think of them.

okay, so you are in the bullseye, and there is a ring around you. this ring is filled with your closest friends, your nearest and dearest.
and around them is another ring. it's a bigger ring, so it holds more people. and these people are still good friends, but not quite as close.
and around them is another ring.
and so on and so forth.

the thing is, at the moment i feel like there are plenty of people in my outer rings
and my halfway rings
and even my second and third rings

but no one in the first ring
the ring for besties.



here is where i was going to say something short and profound to sum up this entry, but i got nothing.

blogger, sometimes i hate you

as if you just decided to block access to me for over a month, and NOW i can sign in with no trouble at all?

honestly, blog, sometimes i think you are more trouble than you are worth and i should just go get a livejournal.

anyway, the lack of access to blog has kind of given me a backlog of things to talk about. well, not really, it did have a backlog but i've either forgotten or offloaded in another way with most of it.

but my most pressing issue is that it has now been summer for five whole days.

and you know what that means don't you?
don't you?


it means its time for ally to hate herself again!
honestly i don't know why summer triggers this
but it does.

i mean, at the moment i'm fat and i have crap hair and clearly no fashion sense and it seems like the world is laughing and saying "lyf. uz doin it rong".
well, not quite WRONG, as my life in general is alright. its just its not everything i want it to be, and i don't want to get old and go

i have no interesting stories from my childhood



or not even interesting stories. the thing is, as a person i am constantly evolving.
and usually, i'm fairly comfortable with who i am (nb. usually, fairly).
the thing is, i look back at who i was
five years ago
one year ago
six months ago

and i go
shit, was i like that? i hate that girl.

that's why i have my little three-day rule.
i don't want to be reminded of the past
i don't want to be reminded of the person i was then

because that girl? i'm embarassed for her, and i don't want to be seen with her.



but whatever. past is past, look to the future.
my goal for summer is to actually not be fat like i am now
and discover/buy some kind of good clothes/fashion sense.
as well as saving something.

here's to new-summer's resolutions.