i hate having a sister.
i hate what people say about her.
i hate being compared to her.
i hate it a lot.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
mad at self
grr. seriously, last night i really thought i could do it.
but apparently i was wrong.
well, i lasted twenty two and a half hours. this time, counting from six thirty tonight, i'll try for thirty. i reckon i can do it too. little steps are the way to go. hopefully i'll be able to go a couple of days at a time soon.
although, it kind of wasn't my fault tonight. mum asked what i was having, and if it'd be the same as her, so i had to have something. the only problem was, i had waaay too much. and i wasn't even hungry. so now, even thought that was three hours ago, i still feel solid.
eh. i'll do better.
remember,
king adora's got it right.
but apparently i was wrong.
well, i lasted twenty two and a half hours. this time, counting from six thirty tonight, i'll try for thirty. i reckon i can do it too. little steps are the way to go. hopefully i'll be able to go a couple of days at a time soon.
although, it kind of wasn't my fault tonight. mum asked what i was having, and if it'd be the same as her, so i had to have something. the only problem was, i had waaay too much. and i wasn't even hungry. so now, even thought that was three hours ago, i still feel solid.
eh. i'll do better.
remember,
king adora's got it right.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
ratatouille
inner beauty is for fat people.
a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
they say there are four elements. earth, water, fire....and air. i want to be air.
its not a diet. after a while, you go off a diet.
this is it. i'm doing it right this time. once and for all i'm gonna shift all this fat. they say tha fad diets don't work. this is because they are not sustainable, and once you go back to eating the way you did before, it all piles back on. you have to make permanent changes to your eating. i'm going to do it. no more "it's okay, just this one won't hurt". because just one becomes just two, then just three. i will no longer feel deprived. i will be doing myself a favour. what's better - thirty seconds of enjoying that taste, or a lifetime of enjoying, twenty four seven, the body you want.
go to the freezer, and get out your icecream. now throw it away. next time you go shopping, buy a low fat substitute. it won't taste as good, but that doesn't matter. you'll soon forget the taste of full fat icecream, because you'll never eat it again. now do this for the rest of your food.
i got that quote from a book. that is how i want to live from now on. it'll suck not being able to eat what i want at first, but soon it won't matter any more.
the game starts today.
a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
they say there are four elements. earth, water, fire....and air. i want to be air.
its not a diet. after a while, you go off a diet.
this is it. i'm doing it right this time. once and for all i'm gonna shift all this fat. they say tha fad diets don't work. this is because they are not sustainable, and once you go back to eating the way you did before, it all piles back on. you have to make permanent changes to your eating. i'm going to do it. no more "it's okay, just this one won't hurt". because just one becomes just two, then just three. i will no longer feel deprived. i will be doing myself a favour. what's better - thirty seconds of enjoying that taste, or a lifetime of enjoying, twenty four seven, the body you want.
go to the freezer, and get out your icecream. now throw it away. next time you go shopping, buy a low fat substitute. it won't taste as good, but that doesn't matter. you'll soon forget the taste of full fat icecream, because you'll never eat it again. now do this for the rest of your food.
i got that quote from a book. that is how i want to live from now on. it'll suck not being able to eat what i want at first, but soon it won't matter any more.
the game starts today.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
the soulmate theory
people ask "do you believe in soulmates?" and i always say no.
this is for a very good reason.
someone did a study (and i can't find it again, so my figures may not be entirely accurate) that most people fall in love with, or marry, someone who lives or works within a few kilometres of themselves. this makes sense. these are the people you are most likely to run into, and strike a rapport with.
anyway. just say there are five thousand people living and working around you. some of them you see everyday, some you have never met in your life. about half of these people are off-limits to you, as in half are girls and half are boys. so that's two and a half thousand people that could you potentially hit it off with. but everyone knows that a teenager getting with an octogenarian is kind of wrong. twenty two percent of the population in adelaide is between twenty and twenty-nine, the largest group. approximately six percent of the population is gay, and about half of those remaining are already married or in committed relationships. so from your initial pool of five thousand people, you are already down to about two hundred and sixty. this isn't even taking into account the people you won't like, or who won't like you (because that's bound to happen). and if you are a minority, like being gay, or only being attracted to redheads, the number of people you could potentially form a relationship with is even smaller.
so really, the person you end up spending the rest of your life with is just about spelled out for you. and if you'd bought a house in a suburb on the other side of town, it would be an entirely different set of people. so how can you say that 'fate' brought two people together?
although this has a negative effect on the way i look at this kind of thing. if the 'love of your life' is simply a matter of coincidence, and a little bit of mathematics, is what you have really that special?
love isn't fate drawing two people together, it isn't irrepressible fireworks. its all a numbers game. it takes work to keep it going, because who knows? the numbers might throw up someone better next week.
this is for a very good reason.
someone did a study (and i can't find it again, so my figures may not be entirely accurate) that most people fall in love with, or marry, someone who lives or works within a few kilometres of themselves. this makes sense. these are the people you are most likely to run into, and strike a rapport with.
anyway. just say there are five thousand people living and working around you. some of them you see everyday, some you have never met in your life. about half of these people are off-limits to you, as in half are girls and half are boys. so that's two and a half thousand people that could you potentially hit it off with. but everyone knows that a teenager getting with an octogenarian is kind of wrong. twenty two percent of the population in adelaide is between twenty and twenty-nine, the largest group. approximately six percent of the population is gay, and about half of those remaining are already married or in committed relationships. so from your initial pool of five thousand people, you are already down to about two hundred and sixty. this isn't even taking into account the people you won't like, or who won't like you (because that's bound to happen). and if you are a minority, like being gay, or only being attracted to redheads, the number of people you could potentially form a relationship with is even smaller.
so really, the person you end up spending the rest of your life with is just about spelled out for you. and if you'd bought a house in a suburb on the other side of town, it would be an entirely different set of people. so how can you say that 'fate' brought two people together?
although this has a negative effect on the way i look at this kind of thing. if the 'love of your life' is simply a matter of coincidence, and a little bit of mathematics, is what you have really that special?
love isn't fate drawing two people together, it isn't irrepressible fireworks. its all a numbers game. it takes work to keep it going, because who knows? the numbers might throw up someone better next week.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
thank you, world
for just about shitting on everything for me.
the ONE GOOD FUCKING IDEA i have in just about FOREVER and you just make sure NONE OF IT CAN HAPPEN. nice one. real nice. its more than just one fucking trip to the zoo. its...i don't know, symbolic of something. it'd have to be, seeing as how FUCKING IMPORTANT it is to me right now.
i dont think you get it. no one EVER agrees with ANYTHING i do or say, so i finally come up with something i'm SO EXCITED about, and no one gives a shit. thanks. thanks a lot.
like, no one EVER gives a shit really. and i've really gone beyond caring. except for this. it was SO FUCKING IMPORTANT that everyone like it. and no one fucking did.
i'm sick of no one agreeing or appreciating what i want to do. "don't wear those shoes, wear the white ones". "no, don't wear those white shoes, wear the black ones" well fuck BOTH OF YOU i'm just gonna wear whatever fucking shoes i like.
and still and still and STILL no one likes what i do. i just CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T do like everyone else. i've fucking TRIED and failed miserably. so you know what? just screw everyone else, let's do things my way. and you know what? everyone just shits all over that too. absolutely fucking EVERYONE. from fucking xinyu to my sister to my mum to the people i see in the street. so let's do something fucking different. if i can't be how i want, let's be second best. and guess what? JOSH GETS TO STOMP ALL OVER THAT TOO. thanks a fucking lot, guys.
it's not like i've even managed to know what i look like. i haven't fucking achieved anything, EVER. not even decided on who i am. hah. that's fucking funny.
you know, i'm supposed to BE something. like, i'm supposed to STAND OUT FOR SOMETHING. and you know what? i'm just fading into fucking mediocrity. i've done NOTHING. can't even fucking organise a trip to the zoo. but its not like i'm clever or beautiful (and don't try to tell me otherwise, i know the truth) or have done anything worth writing home about. i'm just nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.
cause no one even wants to go to the fucking zoo with me. "you should be studying" and all that shit. way to just stomp all over everything. i don't WANT to fucking study. which means i'm never gonna be clever or fucking achieve ANYTHING. and all you fuckers sit up on your high horses with your study sessions and your two-hours-in-the-morning thinking you're so much better cause you can DO stuff like that.
ya know what? fuck the world.
i don't even give a shit right now.
excuse me while i throw out everything i own.
fuckers.
the ONE GOOD FUCKING IDEA i have in just about FOREVER and you just make sure NONE OF IT CAN HAPPEN. nice one. real nice. its more than just one fucking trip to the zoo. its...i don't know, symbolic of something. it'd have to be, seeing as how FUCKING IMPORTANT it is to me right now.
i dont think you get it. no one EVER agrees with ANYTHING i do or say, so i finally come up with something i'm SO EXCITED about, and no one gives a shit. thanks. thanks a lot.
like, no one EVER gives a shit really. and i've really gone beyond caring. except for this. it was SO FUCKING IMPORTANT that everyone like it. and no one fucking did.
i'm sick of no one agreeing or appreciating what i want to do. "don't wear those shoes, wear the white ones". "no, don't wear those white shoes, wear the black ones" well fuck BOTH OF YOU i'm just gonna wear whatever fucking shoes i like.
and still and still and STILL no one likes what i do. i just CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T do like everyone else. i've fucking TRIED and failed miserably. so you know what? just screw everyone else, let's do things my way. and you know what? everyone just shits all over that too. absolutely fucking EVERYONE. from fucking xinyu to my sister to my mum to the people i see in the street. so let's do something fucking different. if i can't be how i want, let's be second best. and guess what? JOSH GETS TO STOMP ALL OVER THAT TOO. thanks a fucking lot, guys.
it's not like i've even managed to know what i look like. i haven't fucking achieved anything, EVER. not even decided on who i am. hah. that's fucking funny.
you know, i'm supposed to BE something. like, i'm supposed to STAND OUT FOR SOMETHING. and you know what? i'm just fading into fucking mediocrity. i've done NOTHING. can't even fucking organise a trip to the zoo. but its not like i'm clever or beautiful (and don't try to tell me otherwise, i know the truth) or have done anything worth writing home about. i'm just nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.
cause no one even wants to go to the fucking zoo with me. "you should be studying" and all that shit. way to just stomp all over everything. i don't WANT to fucking study. which means i'm never gonna be clever or fucking achieve ANYTHING. and all you fuckers sit up on your high horses with your study sessions and your two-hours-in-the-morning thinking you're so much better cause you can DO stuff like that.
ya know what? fuck the world.
i don't even give a shit right now.
excuse me while i throw out everything i own.
fuckers.
Monday, October 1, 2007
post no. thirty-six
sad.
no one wants to come to the zoo cause they all think study is more important.
does that mean i'm not doing enough?
screw schoolwork.
no one wants to come to the zoo cause they all think study is more important.
does that mean i'm not doing enough?
screw schoolwork.
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