you're missing the best part of the day!

sometimes i feel as though i am missing the best part of my life.
it all feels very...mechanical?
and that i'm not doing enough.
i should be reading more books, i should be seeing more bands, i should be going out more often, i should be doing better at uni, i should be making more money.
instead i am muddling through it all on autopilot.
it bothers me.
i feel like i should believe strongly about something, and work to make that real, but i don't.

i was thinking about something today - being in a band, specifically, and how josh's band isn't really coming together all that well.
and
and here is my honest-to-goodness real thought that i had:
"oh well, next time we'll start when we're like sixteen".

and then it struck me.
there. is. no. next. time.
and i'm missing all of the first/ONLY time.


and here is where i was going to write a song
but i can't get it
together right now
i know the vibe
because i'm breaking up with you
or maybe you broke up with me
and i don't care
hear this? i don't care!
but in reality i care a lot

that is how it is going to be
when i get it
together.