rant.

rihanna is fat.
beyonce is fat.

why are there so many fat celebrities?

but you know who aren't fat?
the victoria's secret girls.
they are gorgeous.
i want to be them.


also, i appear to have lost a little of what i once had.
like, i always figured it was easy to have guys falling over themselves to get to you.
but today that didn't work. seriously.
i had to say the first word.
admittedly, there was no way i would have ever given that guy a second look, except that i wanted to test out whether i could still do it or not.
cause he was wearing bad clothes.
but still. it makes me sad that he didn't even talk to me first.
he did ask me if i had a boyfriend though.
so i said yes and thoroughly tramped on his idea of getting with me.

but still.



its a little sad.



and i desperately need new clothes.
cause i look fat in everything i have.
except clothes shopping makes me sad now.
because i am such a big size in everything.
*sigh*

i gained weight too. i have a bmi of 20 now.
what the hell?
so i'm not in a great mood.

why can't i be one of those girls
who's legs don't even touch when she stands with her feet together?
why can't i have hip bones
that stick out ALL the time?
why don't my ribs show
as well as my spine, on my back?


i want to be 85% or less of what i am now.
and i want the willpower to do it.


i feel like such a wanorexic sometimes.
like, i crap on about how fat i am
and how i need need NEED to lose it all
but i never do anything about it
in fact, the more i think about being fat, the more i want to eat
what the fuck is wrong with me?
it shouldn't be that hard just to not put food in mouth.


i hate it.