bienvenue

lol. hi everyone, and welcome to my new blog.

i used to have a blog and i spilled my life onto it, and my friends read it. and commented rather copiously. but i am not telling anyone the address of this blog. the idea of it is to give me a place to vent about stuff. therefore there may be a lot of not-so-nice things on here. but it's better for me to blog them than to say it to someone else.

that was my little disclaimer.

but anyway. tomorrow i have my physics midyear exam. and it's kind of worrying as i'm writing blogs and not studying. but oh well. i know i'll pass.

omfg. today at school was not fun. mel basically told me i should lose weight. she thinks she's so much better than everyone. her and alex. i mean, those two are my friends but sometimes they can be so horrible and bitchy. they go on about things that are just between the two of them when other people are around, making the other people feel left out. they know that i'm not a skinnyminny but they parade around how thin they are in front of me. and they seem to think that nothing anyone can do is as good as what they can. they make out like anyone else's opinion is wrong. and i know that they think i'm fat.

as if that makes a difference. everyone thinks i'm fat. seriously. it's monday today. on saturday, some customer at work implied that i should lose some weight. yesterday mum told me i was too fat to wear the dress that i wanted to wear out and that i should change. and today mel and alex saying how clothes should only go up to a certain size, and how i should lose weight.

i hate it. i hate it so much. i hate how everyone around me is so thin, and i'm so fat. i wish i had the willpower to lose all that stupid weight. i mean, if i could just be 10 kilos thinner i'd be so happy. oh and i've tried. believe me, i've tried. but people are no help at all. they just want me to stay fat so that they look so good next to me. that, or they look at me like i'm crazy whenever i eat something, as if someone my size doesn't deserve to eat. it's true though. i don't deserve to eat. and yet i continually stuff my face with so much food. i hate that i do this to myself. i really do.

and to make things worse, people lie to my face about it. like josh. he tells me i look fine but i know that he's lying. he only says it because he has to. i hate that he lies. i know i'm overweight and i tell him so but he refuses to tell me the truth about what he thinks. i just can't trust his opinion at all. cause i know he's lying to me. i know he does it to make me feel better about myself, but it doesn't help at all. i just feel like crap because he thinks he has to lie for me. i know he's lying because he sees thin girls at school or on tv and says that they're hot. so how could someone like me possibly measure up to that.

and that's why it sucks to be me.