thank you, world

for just about shitting on everything for me.

the ONE GOOD FUCKING IDEA i have in just about FOREVER and you just make sure NONE OF IT CAN HAPPEN. nice one. real nice. its more than just one fucking trip to the zoo. its...i don't know, symbolic of something. it'd have to be, seeing as how FUCKING IMPORTANT it is to me right now.

i dont think you get it. no one EVER agrees with ANYTHING i do or say, so i finally come up with something i'm SO EXCITED about, and no one gives a shit. thanks. thanks a lot.

like, no one EVER gives a shit really. and i've really gone beyond caring. except for this. it was SO FUCKING IMPORTANT that everyone like it. and no one fucking did.

i'm sick of no one agreeing or appreciating what i want to do. "don't wear those shoes, wear the white ones". "no, don't wear those white shoes, wear the black ones" well fuck BOTH OF YOU i'm just gonna wear whatever fucking shoes i like.

and still and still and STILL no one likes what i do. i just CAN'T CAN'T CAN'T do like everyone else. i've fucking TRIED and failed miserably. so you know what? just screw everyone else, let's do things my way. and you know what? everyone just shits all over that too. absolutely fucking EVERYONE. from fucking xinyu to my sister to my mum to the people i see in the street. so let's do something fucking different. if i can't be how i want, let's be second best. and guess what? JOSH GETS TO STOMP ALL OVER THAT TOO. thanks a fucking lot, guys.

it's not like i've even managed to know what i look like. i haven't fucking achieved anything, EVER. not even decided on who i am. hah. that's fucking funny.

you know, i'm supposed to BE something. like, i'm supposed to STAND OUT FOR SOMETHING. and you know what? i'm just fading into fucking mediocrity. i've done NOTHING. can't even fucking organise a trip to the zoo. but its not like i'm clever or beautiful (and don't try to tell me otherwise, i know the truth) or have done anything worth writing home about. i'm just nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.

cause no one even wants to go to the fucking zoo with me. "you should be studying" and all that shit. way to just stomp all over everything. i don't WANT to fucking study. which means i'm never gonna be clever or fucking achieve ANYTHING. and all you fuckers sit up on your high horses with your study sessions and your two-hours-in-the-morning thinking you're so much better cause you can DO stuff like that.


ya know what? fuck the world.
i don't even give a shit right now.
excuse me while i throw out everything i own.

fuckers.