the soulmate theory

people ask "do you believe in soulmates?" and i always say no.
this is for a very good reason.

someone did a study (and i can't find it again, so my figures may not be entirely accurate) that most people fall in love with, or marry, someone who lives or works within a few kilometres of themselves. this makes sense. these are the people you are most likely to run into, and strike a rapport with.

anyway. just say there are five thousand people living and working around you. some of them you see everyday, some you have never met in your life. about half of these people are off-limits to you, as in half are girls and half are boys. so that's two and a half thousand people that could you potentially hit it off with. but everyone knows that a teenager getting with an octogenarian is kind of wrong. twenty two percent of the population in adelaide is between twenty and twenty-nine, the largest group. approximately six percent of the population is gay, and about half of those remaining are already married or in committed relationships. so from your initial pool of five thousand people, you are already down to about two hundred and sixty. this isn't even taking into account the people you won't like, or who won't like you (because that's bound to happen). and if you are a minority, like being gay, or only being attracted to redheads, the number of people you could potentially form a relationship with is even smaller.

so really, the person you end up spending the rest of your life with is just about spelled out for you. and if you'd bought a house in a suburb on the other side of town, it would be an entirely different set of people. so how can you say that 'fate' brought two people together?

although this has a negative effect on the way i look at this kind of thing. if the 'love of your life' is simply a matter of coincidence, and a little bit of mathematics, is what you have really that special?

love isn't fate drawing two people together, it isn't irrepressible fireworks. its all a numbers game. it takes work to keep it going, because who knows? the numbers might throw up someone better next week.