today is a good day

i'm sore and have a little bit of a tummyache. but you know what? today has been awesome.
coz even white boys got to shout. baby got back.

anyway.
350 cereal and milk
+ 300 pasta and sauce
+ 130 cupcake

- 330 elliptical

= 450 for today so far. keeping in mind we're having hamburgers for dinner and mum just cooked a fresh batch of cakes. its hard.

EDIT::
+ 130 another cupcake
+ around 500 hamburger
= 980. so maybe today isn't so good after all.

i mean, i'm going to get used to it but right now, its really difficult. like, sometimes pain is worth it because you know how good it will be when it stops. but sometimes the pain is only worth it because of what you'll get from it, and that it won't (shouldn't) stop. i'm going to get used to feeling empty, and i'm going to enjoy it. because every hour i spend feeling empty, is an hour closer to my goal.

besides, what's better? ten minutes of yum now, or the twentyfour seven delight of being who i want to be?


EDIT::
you know what? i want to talk about it. i want to sit down with someone and tell them what i'm doing, why i'm doing it, what i want, and why i can't have it. but i don't want them to tell me i have problems. i want them to help. to be supportive. to keep me going when i'm feeling weak.

so. talk to me. don't attack me. don't make me feel like i'm an idiot.

please.